Saturday, July 17, 2010

No fucking balance. None. A mess; that is me. I'll figure it out tomorrow because I cannot stand to me a weeping pile of yuckiness anymore today. I am taking a bath and sleeping.

Thursday, July 15, 2010

Some days I wake up certain that I can accomplish anything. I bound out of bed (well, that might be a slight exaggeration), I grab coffee, make lists, organize, activate, enact my life. It's a great feeling!

Today, I woke up feeling anxious. I live my life mainly based on intuition and I really despise the anxious days. I know something is coming and I haven't found out what it is yet. I can rationalize that I am tired and the folk fest hangover has hit but part of me knows something weird is coming. sigh. Well, not much I can do but carry on and find out what it's going to be.

On the positive side, after running and doing free weights yesterday, I also cycled 12k. Slowest cycle ever on the way home. Some guy on his girlfriend's clearly-too-small-by-at-least-3-sizes granny bike passed me!

Today, kids to dentist, party planning, camp packing, cycling, bistro-ing, maybe running? Running definitely alleviates the anxiety.

Wednesday, July 14, 2010

Another blog? Really?

It seems that I like to write as a means of processing life. I have another blog here: bistrogal725 which is mostly about my life at Bistro 7 1/4 and as a restaurant owner. I have realized though that there is more to my life that I need to sort out and this is a great medium for me.

Three years ago, I was asked if I was pregnant one too many times and felt hurt and frustrated by my body. I was also going through a terribly emotional time in my personal life and experiencing an enormous amount of change, leaving my work as a therapist and moving into full-time restaurant worker/owner. I decided I needed to do something about my body. I bought Bob Greene "The Best Life Diet" and took the project on. I started running and I renewed my relationship with the gym. I shed 50lbs and felt like a million bucks.

Here I am, three years later and 20lbs have crept back on, I have a foot injury, and I have discovered that I prefer a glass of wine to going to bed at a reasonable time and getting up to go to the gym. I have a million reasons for not excercising: I own a busy restaurant, I homeschool 3 kids, I am in negotiations around new projects and I run the folk festival kitchen. The biggest excuse I have is my hubby! Our relationship hit the skids in a terrible way last year, to the point that we discussed separation and divorce, but instead we found a different path and have fallen madly, deeply in love again. So, I just want to do fun things with him! We go on dates and goof around and plot and dream a lot. Way more fun than working out by myself. My husband and I cycle home from work together but other than that, we don't work out together. We also feel sometimes that at least one of us should be home with the kids if at all possible and working out feels like a luxury. In the end, a lot of inertia ensues.

All of this unfolding of situation has led me to write. I feel that if I engage this process through words that I may in fact create some accountability and internal change for myself. I don't yet know what this looks like but I am looking forward to sorting it out. For today, it meant, writing a blog, running for 3k (baby run! mentally difficult) and doing some free weights.